“I may have decided to pursue photography but I never told the writer side of me what I’d be doing with him. He was left hanging. Lately, whenever I had spoken about photography to someone and then heard the other person say: ‘And what about your writing — what will happen with that?’ the guilt would surface and boy, was it ever-present. Not a nice feeling.
I did ignore it at first as I thought it would pass. But on the weekend I pulled up a chair for the writer side of me and asked him to deal with it. I told him to go and take an indefinite break. Maybe we will meet up again. But right now, he has to make room for the camera.”
The above is an excerpt from a journal post of mine from 2007.
For those that don’t know, I have wrapped up my wedding photography business indefinitely. I don’t foresee that I will shoot another wedding any time soon, but who knows what the future holds. For now I am focussing on my manuscript (a novel) of which the first draft is completed. I’m currently running through the first round of edits and it hasn’t been easy. Throw motherhood into the mix, and most days it feels impossible.
In the meantime, I have thousands of photos from the last ten years sitting on my storage device and aside from digging one out for a “throwback thursday” on Instagram every once and a while, I’m not sure what to do with them.
It’s no secret that I love getting my hands onto a good project… the perfect venture. If it’s not a Pearl Jam portrait project, then it’s a forum dedicated to inspiring women (back when vBulletin software was all the rage) or a first novel. Out of my love for music and live gigs, a couple of years ago I had thought about starting my own music magazine, but decided it was not the right time to proceed. Just as well, because these days I don’t have the hunger to shoot a concert. (Even getting out to gigs as a spectator has taken a backseat.)
For a while, I looked left, right and centre for a new creative purpose. It was tricky to establish what was merely an interest, or something to pass the time, or what my ego wanted me to pursue. And then about two weeks ago, an idea finally arrived, which came nestled among an entire thought process, and I felt that this was the project I had been waiting for.
(Apologies to those who have already heard about Heal Protect Nourish in my newsletter this week.) The new project is a wellness website with a primary focus on reducing toxins in our bodies and lifestyle. It also involves a gentle advocacy for safe vaccination. The latter was probably the driving force behind creating the project. Vaccination is an icky topic, and I do accept that, but I also believe that there is a tactful way to get sensitive messages across when you have love and kindness in mind. And that’s my general approach. Quite a few people have cautioned me not to tackle such a topic, but, well, in a very non-bullshit way, I felt guided to do it. I’m still working on the website and hope to have it live in a couple of weeks time.
Outside of my inner world, the bubs is starting solids, the hubby and I have been pinning ideas for the extension on our home, one of the cats (Ivy) has left the abode for good, and I gotta say it — Pearl Jam’s current American tour seems phenomenal so far (thanks to the tease of social media).