In the Winter of 2013, there was a public announcement about the impending arrival of an online music magazine called Grit & Grace. It was to be a new project of mine although I didn’t make it obvious in the beginning that I was behind it. I created a website, social media accounts, registered the domain name, sorted email addresses, picked an editor and put out a call to help build a team. I met with key people in Adelaide for research, networking and brainstorming purposes. I dreamt about it; in my sleep and while I was awake. I didn’t have unlimited funds behind me as I was going to figure it out as I went along. It’s the way that I work best. An organic path. A recipe for disaster most would say, but moving organically is my thing, and it has worked for me in the past. This time however, I decided to try and plan as much as I could. My family thought it was a bad idea from the start so that also pushed me into planning mode. I planned so hard that I lost my inspiration, hunger and desire for the project. So hard that I got confused about what I wanted the magazine to be, where it would fit in the market and what I was ultimately going to get out of it. If I could no longer answer those questions, good God why would I pursue it?
I kept up the illusion because I had already put out the announcement. In hindsight, I jumped the gun, and knew it at the time but I was excited and wanted to make a move. I thought that by announcing that I was holding myself accountable — that I wouldn’t be able to back out even if I wanted to. (Not a healthy thought so early in the game!) When I could no longer ignore that it was just going to be one of those “it seemed like a good idea at the time” projects, I subconsciously shelved it. I hoped no-one would notice; simultaneously I hoped that the hunger to pursue it would return.
Perhaps if I had let it exist as a hobby instead of trying to make it a business venture, maybe it would have gotten off the ground. I really don’t know. I still have “create a magazine” on my list of things to do before I die. Not crossing it off just yet.
While I’m being honest here, I’m disappointed in myself for abandoning it and I feel like I have let people down. Simply put, I hate saying that I am gonna do something and then I don’t. The good news is that the loss wasn’t about a huge stake of money (that pleases my family!), it was just about energy and my credibility. Losing credibility is the absolute worst.
I have wanted to write about this for a very long time because I felt I owed the universe an explanation. Now it’s out there. Thank you for listening.